Saturday, May 24, 2008

BTALD: Customer Service


Lately I've spent a lot of time in customer-service land. The garbage didn't get picked up - but the lady was very pleasant about telling me that I can leave it out there for several days until someone makes it back around. My credit card info expired on everything I have ever done so lots of nice folks have informed me that they are discontinuing service, or sending another bill, or generally kicking me to the curb. So I call them all and fix it. I'm trying to order some doorknobs, but the person who is "really good at this stuff" (doorknobs?) isn't back for a few days. So I have to call back.

A lot of this involves setting the phone on speaker and listening to the person say "your call is important to us" over and over while I cruise around doing other things. 'Cause they really, really don't want to talk to you. I feel like the whole thing is just a test of my resolve.

The best one is where the little message says, "In a hurry? Try our website." Then you try the website, and they want some account number you don't have, so back you go to the phone. That's when I start punching the phone buttons really hard.

Anyway, these folks should provide some outlet while you're waiting. Maybe a game, where you get to yell swear words into the phone and it makes a Mad Lib out of them. Or, a human punching bag person you can scream at. Or, you push buttons and it makes the sound of explosions and people getting punched in the face.

I would stay on the line for that.

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